LR- First threesome of 2007

A2damir is a PUA with some mad skillz. Anyone of his LR's is educational reading and a standard to aspire to. Here's an LR of his first 3some of 2007

whats up guys, havent posted here for a while.. i know i owe you guys a LR:HBAss, which i wrote 90% of it but never had the chance to finish it, im very busy this time of the year..happy new years to all..
last year i posted a "LR: first 3some of 2006", well i have a new "LR:First 3some of 2007"... and it happened on January 5th...not a bad start to the year..

for those who dont know me, i suggest you read a couple of my LRs to get familiar with my style...aight,so this i what happened...
it was friday night at the club, i usually wear jeans and a tight t-shirt ( im very jacked, i get so much attention and ECs when i wear t shirt, but this night i was dressed up like a gentleman, black dress pants, peach color dress shirt, and an orange and blue stripe tie with a suade jacket...so i couldnt use my muscles as an advantage...
oh btw this goes to show it really doesnt matter what you wear ( which i always preach, dont spend alot of time on peacocking, just peacock your body and your all set)...
so about an hour later, i see 2 chicks, one brunette and the other redhead, the redhead was a 7, fuckable, but a lil chubby, the brunette was a 9, nice body, and probably the best pair of titties in the club that night...i did a quick math, 9+7= 16, divided by 2 = 8... i fuck 8s and above, so i decided to game both of them.... i was on the vip section, and the 2 chicks wanted to come up there, but the bouncer had to make sure they had a special stamp to get up there, i told him to let the chicks come up there although they werent VIP...
so the chicks came up there, they knew I had put in a word for them
me: hey you guys gotta behave up here now that i put my neck on the line for you
Brunettewith an accent) thank you, why didn't he let us come up here?
me: ( there were alot of chicks up there) oh nothing this is my harem up here, he didnt know i was adding to it tonight.
Brunette:your what?
me: my harem
Brunette:whats a harem
me: ( she ruined he whole joke) nothing it means its my party up here and you werent on the guestlist
Brunette: is it your birthday?
me: no where are you guys from you have an accent
Brunette: Quebec
me: ( to the redhead) you too?
redhead with a slightly less accent than the brunette) yeah
me: so what bring you down to my neck of the woods?
Brunette:your what?
me: ( aight fuck it, i'll treat them like im running an ESL class from now on... and i knew this was gonna ruin my game, cuz alot of shit i say is witty and these chick had a hard time understanding english) my neighborhood, my city.
Brunette: we want to visit most american cities
me: what language do you speak?
Brunette: french
me: ( to the redhead....i didnt want her to feel ignored) you speak french too
redhead: yes
me: well you guys have fun up here, if you need anything come find me, you cant miss my shirt
( both of them laughing)
Brunette: ( put her hand on my arms to touch the shirt ) i like the color
me: yeah that makes 2 of us in the club
redhead: it looks nice on you
me: thank you, let me introduce you guys to the bouncer just in case you wanna go in and out of the vip section and im not around
Brunette: oh thank you very much
(takeaway # 1… it wasn't as strategic as my others cuz I really had to go see some other friends in the club too, but you can call it a takeaway)
anyway, i introduced them and i went to mingle... i had alot of friends up there and in the club, mostly chicks too, even at one point i the vip section 2 of my friends came on the stage, both of them are just a notch down from HBGodess, but they are deffinately both HB11s or even more, almost everyone was staring at them,
they came one of them screamed and jumped and hugged me in front of everyone, they bought a round of shot for me, then they wanted to go to another club which the door was closed cuz it was packed, but i walked them in the backdoor,,, an no i havet fucked those 2 chicks yet, and probably wont...
they have " a special circumstance" which i wont get into...

btw my fucking eyes are watery and killing me right now cuz im on a plane and writing this, and this dude next to me was bascially reading everything i was writing, i would look at him and he'll steal his eyes off my laptop, so now im writing this with a fontsize 5 or 6, so fucking small i cant see shit..

anyway, i had left the club to take those 2 megahotties to the other club, and then i went back to the vip area... im rushing these part, i probably had spent 25-30 mins with those 2 chicks, talking, one of them had their ass against my body very friendly talking and shit...so when i went back on the vip section i saw the 2 initial chicks, honetsly i had totally forgot about them cuz those 2 mega hottites had elevated my blood pressure and testosterone levels...

Brunette: you have a very beautiful girlfriend
me: thank you, i'll let her boyfriend know when she finds one
Brunette: she wasnt your girlfriend?
me: oh you dont know why they threw this party for me up here tonight ? ( BS, it wasnt my party i just made that up)
Brunette:no why?
me: they are celebrating me being single
( both of them laughed)
Brunette: really?
me: sort of
redhead: what do you mean sort of?
me: it means im single but they arent celebrating that, or at least they wont tell me that to my face cuz it would make me feel like a piece of meat
( both of the laughed again)

at that point i saw a very good girlfriend of mine and i excused myself from the 2 Canadian chicks to say hi to her,
and doing yet another takeaway from the Canadians.
10 mins later i leave the vip area and go chill with another bouncer, then someone from behind basically walked through me , bumped me on the side and kept walking, and it was the Brunette... i didnt think much of it at that point, i thought she was drunk, i spilled my drink and the bouncer wanted to kick them out cuz he thought they were drunk, ut i was like fuck it let them have fun... 6-7 mins latr the same thing happened but not as hard as the first time, again it was the brunette..
now i deffinately thought she was drunk..but again i let her get away with it.
i go back up on the vip section and i see her, and as soon as she sees me she comes towards me
Brunette kinda hostile) is this your club?
me: no why?
Brunette: everyone knows you here, are you the manager
me: nope, i just have alot of friends, so you guys having fun?
Brunette: yeah its fun, what time does the club close?
me: in about 20 mins, do you guys have a hotel?
Brunette: yeah we got a room
me: where?
Brunette: on commonwealth avenue ( ray you probably know which ones she's talking about, they arent hotels, kind of like 4 story building with different units on each floor)
me: are you guys gonna go to an after party?
Brunette:no
me: why not? are you guys that boring?
Brunette: no we have to get up at 7 tomorrow and drive back to quebec.
me: so, that doesnt mean you cant party tonight
Brunette: then we cant get up early
me: i'll wake you guys up myself how is that
Brunette: we'll see
me: ( those titties were still top titties a the club that night) thats fine we can just party at your place so you can just sleep there
Brunette:what party?
me: nothing big, i'll get some alcohol and come over and have a couple drinks and chill
Brunette: are you coming alone?
me: i can bring this whole club if you want to
Brunette: my friend wants a guy too ( she fucked up, at that point i knew i was getting laid, she gave it, they were probably talking about me and as TOkyoPUA once said, they "Splitted the dick between themselves"... so i knew they were seducded... ok now there is this black bouncer, tall dude, i kept telling him about the chicks i fuck and every hot girls he saw at the club i had claimed to him that i had fucked her,
so now it was time to back my shit up for him, not that i had to prove anything, i was looking for a wing, so what the hell... oh i think in my LR: My Masterpiece, i say the N word and some dickhead started all this shit about me being racist and how it was inappropriate to use that word and blah blah blah... well you see homie, i fuck chicks with black dudes, i roll with black dudes too so get your head out of your ass and stop looking for an excuse to play the race card,,, specially on this board)

me: how about this bouncer here? he's the one that let you guys come up here
Brunette: ( said something to her friend in french)
Brunette: yeah ok ask him if he wants to come

so i asked him, and he was cool with it... i'll skip through the rest of the night ( I spent the rest of the night with them, gaming them more and maintaining their interest level), after the club was over, i asked them if they wanted a ride, but she said their apt was close by and they'll just walk, i got their phone number, their address ( which # on comm ave). their room #, and she even gave me the passcode to buzz myself in to the main entrance...
so i waited for my wing to get out of work, he was with his boy, so we go to teh front of the apt, my friend double parks and his boy just sits in the car and waits, and i parked on the st. i called her, she told me she had just got their and was walking up the steps and she'll come down and open the door for us..

anyway we go up...the redhead was horny, she went to the bathroom and i basically pushed my friend in their with her and they shut the door, i went and grabbed the Brunette from behind and she said " go sit on the bed i have things to do... she was getting most of her shit ready for the next morning, it took her 3-4 mins to get them straightened out, then she started changing into her PJs...
man she took her top off and damn, she had the nicest pair of NATURAL titties... no i take that back, second best pair of natural titties that i had ever seen in my life, i only saw it from the side..., then she wanted to take her jeans off, she told me to look away
.. that pissed me off... its aight though, she wanted to play hardball now..so she changed, and she came stood in front of me, i was sitting on the side of the bed... she called her friend, they came out, and then the bitch said " ok nothing is gonna happen tonight we have to sleep because we have to wake up early tomorrow"..
oh no no no... i didnt give up all those other lays for nothing…
me: what happened to partying?
Brunette: sorry to decieve you, but nothing is gonna happen. ( decieve? interesting choice of word)
( remember what i said about not having the muscle advantage because of my dress shirt, i loosened my tie and told her i dont wanna wrinkle my shirt and took it off... she paused for a good 5-6 seconds just looking at me... )
Brunette:you have huge arms
me: yeah i know ( cuz now i was pissed), so you guys wanna start the party?
Brunette: no i already said we have to get up early tomorrow ( she still not buying in)
me: yeah yeah that decieve thingy you talked about... ( with my shirt off i walked up to her, she was sitting on the side of the bed and i was standing, i put my hands on both side of her face, held her face and gave her a kiss on lips and said
me: have a good night sweetie and drive safe tomorrow, i'll call you at 7 and wake u guys up tomorrow ( and with my head i signaled to my friend lets get out of here... )
Brunette:no you dont have to go
me: i have alot of fetishes but watching a chick sleep isnt one of them
Brunette laughed, maybe a fake laugh I dunno) you guys can sleep over if you want, we can all fit ( they had 2 queen beds which were against eachother, so i winked at my wing meaning WERE IN BUSINESS and started seperating the 2 beds per their request) they also had another sliding /folding bed...

so anyways, it was a lil awkward, nothing like this specifically had happened to me, but one thing was for sure... i will never be alone with a chick, be in the same bed with her, and have my shirt off, and not fuck the chick, so i knew i was laying her, it was just a matter of strategy...
so she's laying on the bed, with her back against me, my dick is against her perfect ass and im getting a hard on, and i put my arm on her shoulder, she grabs my arms, brings it under her arms and put it on her chest and she is holding my hand too... try visualizing that... oh btw my eyes are really killing me now.. i see the guy next to me try to look at it but he cant see shit....fuck i cant see shit either…lol I guess his eyes must hurt worse than mine…
so i kiss her on the neck and whisper in her ear
me: your in a bad mood, you should loosen up
Brunette:no im not in a bad mood
me: yeah you are, you seem to have alot of stress, let me give you a back massage
Brunette: i have to sleep
me: i know, you can sleep while i give you the massage, you'll wake up feeling great
this is where a lot of guys fuck up, and end up not banging a 100% lay… you see whats going on here? Im the guy that had a pussy buffet at the club, and I chose her, now she wants to hold back on sex thinking I'll be begging her to have sex with her, but instead im laying down there next to her, I haven't touched her ass or titties or anything ( she put my hand close to her tits not me), and im offering to give her a massage so she would wake up feeling better… not even once do I mention sex to her…

( and i started rubbing her back and body,I massaged her for a couple of mins, but fuck her she didnt deserve a massage)
me: turn around i wanna see your face
Brunette: ( she did without hesitation)
me: ( just looked at her and kissed her, and then we started making out)... (again, I haven't SAID anything, she's just following her heart..sounds romantic eh?)
i'll rush some parts now, my boy and the redhead went to the bathroom and i think they had sex, cuz my boy was done in like 5 mins, and i was still making out but we were both naked and she was rubbing all over me...
so my boy wants to leave now, and the brunette says he cant leave and he has to stay ( they didnt wanna feel like sluts, fuck em and leave em sort of thing... u think the same Ray?), so i told them my boy had double parked and he's gonna go move his car and come back and i winked at my boy meaning he doesnt have to come back..

he leaves, and the brunette was smart, she says if he (my boy) doesnt come back i cant have sex with her cuz i'll probably do the same thing( fuck her and leave her), and i was like " ok if he doesnt come back in 5 mins i'll leave".. i knew she didnt wanna me to leave..the damage was done, poor girl couldnt do anything now but put up some last minute resistance sruggles...
at first i was gonna show her some more power, wait the 5 mins and then tell her " hey my friend didnt show up so im gonna leave" , and i knew she wouldve wanted me to stay which gave me the upper hand again but i was like fuck it, i started making out with her again, a good 7-8 mins went by she didnt mention anything, although the redhead couldnt shut up, she kept talking, she went and turned the radio on, she seemed impatient,
this meant one of the 2 things im my opinion...( ray add more if you think of anything else)
1) she was horny and wanted to fuck me too, but she either wasnt that open with her friend, or maybe they had a pact and they had already "splitted the dick" as ray once said..
2) she was jealous, her hotter friend got the better guy, and now the redhead wanted to cockblock me and pussyblock ( yeah im coining this phrase) her friend...

only one solution to both those problems, join her in on the action..

me whispered in the brunette's ears) are you bisexual?
Brunette: we have kissed before but we wont do it for you
me: dont flatter yourself i didnt ask, your such a fag
Brunette: (laughed and bit my ear... ladies and gents, this is a HUGE IOI, that meant she just needed me to push her some more)
me:have you done more than kissing?
Brunette: why do you ask?
me: just wondering ( i think she got mad cuz)
Brunettewith a lil hostility) if you want her go get her ( but from the tone of her voice i think she meant that if you get her, you'll loose me)
me: i want you i thought i made that clear already ( and immediately french kissed her again( irony cuz they spoke french).. i kissed her to play with her emotions a lil)
Brunette: ( after we were done kissing, she paused for like 10 secs )i know you want her ( see...she brought it up again, did she want me to have her join us?Ray?)
me: no i want you, she is just an added bonus
Brunette: every guy wants 2 girls
me: im not every guy, 2 girls are boring for me now, do you have any other friends in this area?
Brunette laughed) boring?
me: yeah it gets boring after a while

oddly enough the friend had shut up for 3-4 mins now, so now i HAD to keep her awake just in case i talk her friend into a 3 some... anyway i wont bore you guys, i had to multi task like an intel core duo processor, keeping the redhead awake while not letting her cockblock me and at the same time showing 100% interest in the brunette chick and meanwhile try to show her that i want a 3some too... not easy brothas, not easy
at first i as unsuccessfull, so i was like fuck it, honey enough chit chatting now blow me ( i didnt say that to her in those words),
so she starts giving me head, after 4-5 mins she comes up, i tell her i want somemore, she said her mouth got tired ( btw she gave the worst head that i can remember getting… and this report is giving me the worse eye pain even), so i told her
me: maybe you should ask your friend to help you, sharing is caring
Brunette bursted out laughing)
so now the redhead wanted to know what she was laughing at, and the brunette told her
me: well...
brunette: well what
me: do you wanna share or not
Brunette: we havent done this before
me: its fun if you dont like it you can stop...

thats about it.... they both started giving me head and we fucked...

i'll discuss my exit strategy too since i havent posted here for a while i owe you guys ...
ok so by the end of the night , chii chiing, jackpot i think she was in love, she did so many romantic things to me that only my previous girlsfriends had done, like romantic hugs and kisses and smooching, licking my toung and face and ears blah blah blah,
so she told me she wanted me to hold her tight from behind and sleep with her, so by now it was around 5:35 in the morning,... remember that she had to get up at 7 am right? i tried different strategies, first i told her that after the great night of sex i couldnt sleep for a couple of hours, i told her that so she might let me leave since i wont be sleeping, but she said " suprise me and wake me up in an hour and start making love to me"...damn god must've loved me tonight cuz that gave me the perfect exit route,
i told her that i dont have any more condoms and i have some more in my car ( oh at one point i had to go grab some extra condoms from my car), so i told her i have to go get some condoms from mycar which was bullshit, i had 3 more in my pocket, but i told her i have to go get some more, so once i leave i will not come back... so i slept next to her for 10-15 mins, it did feel good, she looked so cute all ucddled up and sleeping, so once her breath level reached a steady pace i figured she's asleep, i packed my shit and left....
she left 3 messages in the morning around 7:30, she sent me text messages... but it was all over, i wish i couldve left her on better terms

some thing that she said later on:
she did say she kept bumping into me on purpose to get my attention
she didnt like me talking to all the chicks, but she said at the end of the night i was in bed with her so she didnt care
my boy gave me mad respect the next day , he said that takeaway that i did was classic and got him and me a lay...

aight the pilot just said we gotta put away all electronics, so im gonna end this.. comments, criticisms all welcomed... i'll check back if you guys have any questions..

btw, this was probably one of the 6-7 lays that the chick never called me an asshole or cocky or something like that...

Credit A2damir MASF

Good girls, ho's and freaks

The one that started it all. PlayerSupreme's classic post that has now been subsumed as part of the relationship matrix.
PlayerSupreme is one of the best proponents of dominant game. Where the man is the Man. We do miss him on masf. But you can catch his excellent podcasts here

I am going to borrow a few words from Da kidd from the pimps network and add
some of my own Sh*t to it to help talk about observation. I do hope those in
the know will add their own shyt at the end of this post so we can pool our
collective knowledge into one big assed info fest.




Observation
-------------


In this game, observation is the key. Without the ability to properly observe a
situation, the analysis of any given situation will be far from accurate.


It also helps to know what you are looking for in the women that you select.

According to Arthur Gordon there are 3 types of women out there:

1. the good girl. This is the type of B*tch whom a N*gga wants to marry or
settle down with. She is the nice one who does everything for her man. She
comes from her heart. Everything that she does is based around how in love with
you that she is.

2. The Freak. Ahhh the freak is the one who breaks N*gga's hearts, have them up
at night wondering where she is at and who she is fucking. Freaks usually
become strippers or those bitches you see who dress like all she wants is
attention. Freaks come at you on the sexual tip. If you look like your packin
and can put it down then they will be all up on ya. These are usually the ones
you see chasin after brotha’s cause of our reputation for fawking and having
big dycks.

Which is exactly what they want, and they will get it from anyone. Most freaks
love sex and will always have a waiting list of N*gga's to call. You've seen
them with their garish outfits and overdone make up on. Usually they are the
freakiest dancers in the clubs. These are the bitches who just need a little
push to put them on the stage and from their onto a track selling that cat.

3. Ho's. These are the professional bitches who already ho. These bitches will
only do it for money or material gain of some sort. The mild form of a ho is a
gold digger. The serious form is your common street walking ho. According to
Gordon, many high school cheerleaders are ho’s in training. They sell their
bodies to the atheletes for the currency of popularity. I’m sure you’ve seen
fine women with old assed men. Look at Anna Nicole Smith. She is a ho. Many
ho’s become groupies for Sports or Entertainment stars. These are the ones who
marry those guys and then divorce them later for millions.

Knowing what type your dealing with will determine what type of game you spit
at her. Good girls you do the old fashioned Sh*t. Freaks since they only want
fun and sex, you show her how much fun it is hangin out with you. Freaks you
use your career or where your going in life and how much money and toys you
have.
To try the approach of a ho on a good girl will get you nowhere. I’m sure many
people have seen or heard of idiots trying to impress a good girl with how much
money he makes and getting shot down.

Ok now back to further observation skills:





The amount of observation necessary varies per situation. If you are out of
town (or out of your environment), you shouldn't spend near as much time
observing as you would where you live.

The reason for this is simple. When your azz is on vacation, you can afford to
make a few mistakes like cold approaches (i.e. very little if any eye contact,
etc.), because you aren't going to be there long enough for the consequences to
affect you. But, since the majority of us aren't going anywhere anytime soon,
so lets focus on long term observation.

The first thing you want to do when observing is to set up your 'base of
operations'. This is where you sit yourself down somewhere, be it school, the
club, the mall, whatever, and remain stationary. What I like to do as you’ve
seen me post is stand on the edge of the dance floor so that I can be seen and
can see who is looking at me.

You gotta fight the temptation to eye ball your surroundings. This makes you
look hungry like the rest of the nyggas up in thurr. Trust me, if a biytch
likes what she sees, she will put herself in your perimeter. Just make sure
that you are sitting or standing somewhere highly visible.

If you have to be the 1st one in the club to get a good seat. What you want to
keep an eye out for is what Da Kidd over at the pimps network (and whom I took
the outline for this post from) calls 'the perimeter breach'. This is basically
when a girl is all in your
area. She will probably glance at you occasionally and jock you on the subtle
tip. She is wondering why if all of these other guys are up her ass, why aren't
you.

How you react to this depends on environmental factors. “If you are out of
town, throw your fingers up and beckon that B*tch to you. If you are on your
home turf, try to chill. Remember, chances are that the B*tch lives there too,
and you will probably see her again. This is where patience kicks in.”—Da Kidd

Da Kidd also said remain a mystery to them. He further went on to say that you
shouldn’t try to run down every girl that you see. Remember the saying "chase a
ho and get a chumps cop, Stalk a ho ( do your homework on her ass) and get a
pimps cop. Cop stands for having her on your team.

This shyt will take some time to get used to, but will pay off in the long run.
“Remember...you aren't going anywhere, and neither are they. Drive their
curiosity to a fever pitch. When they finally do speak to you or you decide
that they are jocking you so tough that it's time to make that move, the amount
of static she gives you (depending on your approach, of course) will be much of
nothing.”

One key thing to remember is this... women jock men on the sneak. Not the way
the we jock them. If you know this, you can use this against them. If you can
see them, then they can see you…ie my standing on the edge of the dance floor
or sometimes in the middle of it. I make people move around me sometimes. At
the edge or in the middle of the floor.

If a byitch is on your Sh*t, she will position herself where she can get a good
view of you. If you are sitting near the dance floor, and hoes start dancing
like right in front of you, chances are they are jocking you. Especially if the
dance floor isn't packed and they didn't have to dance right there. The less
crowded an environment is, the more 'clean-cut' observations are. If the joint
is jumpin', then you will have to rely
more on eye contact, proximity, and other subtle factors.


Here is an example: Lets say that you went to a mall or a lounge at school, and
a B*tch is sitting quite a ways from you and tries to throw some trash away in
the can that is in your proximity. No big deal right? WRONG. How about if there
was a trash can a lot closer to her than yours was. She didn't have to come way
over here just to throw away a lollipop stick, then return to her seat. Most
people don't think twice about things like that, but they should. That is an
excellent example of subtle jocking. If your obsevation skills are not up to
par, you would miss that incident and quite a few more which could have been
very revealing. Observations skills are hard to teach over the internet.

I always tell my buddies that I’m “on” 24/7. If I’m awake then I am alert and
paying attention. I always notice when women are jocking me. This is why I’ve
been successful in the night clubs at meeting women. You must pay attention at
all times.

About 4 years ago I went to this thing called Burningman
http://www.burningman.com
I was working for channel 6 in Sacramento with my buddy doing a story on this
week long freak fest up in the Nevada desert. I was at one of the huge rave
tents and had fallen asleep to the driving beats of techno/trance.

Suddenly I awoke to feel someone starring at me. I looked around and saw a ho
that I new from my own town trying to figure out if it was me or not.

Here is an exercise that I want you to try: sit yourself down in the mall or at
school or a book store and just practice. Watch which hoes decide to sit near
you even when there are chairs all over the damn place. How many times a
particular broad walks back and forth in front of you for no damn apparent
reason at all.

Do this for a little while, then try your luck at the club. In the club,
however, hoes are a little more aware that they are being watched, and will be
a little harder to read. But, if you know what subtleties to look for, it won't
be too hard. Soon you won't be getting dissed anymore because you will know
exactly which broad(s) actually want to holla at you. As you know about my
direct approach style based on my eye contact post, I don’t holla unless the ho
is choosing.

There are other styles out there such as indirect and other seduction mixes.
With indirect you holla at every ho even if there is no eye contact. This style
you gotta have your game intact and going strong. There are pro’s and cons of
each style out there.

But for this one get to practicing.

(credit PlayerSupreme MASF)

Secret society

One of the most read posts about pickup ever.. Tyler Durden's tongue in cheek look at a 'Secret society' composed of 52% of the world's population.


Many guys will dislike this, because it implies that women are sluts and untrustworthy. Well, I can only speak from my experience and report back what I've seen. I'm also posting in a semi-satirical tone - I haven't gone off the deepend..... yet... :)

A secret society exists. Around 52% of people on this earth are a part of it.

Of that 52%, 50% are women, 2% are men.

Of that 2%, 1% of those men are gay, the other 1% are players.

What I'm talking about is the sex secret society - and you are either *IN* or *OUT*.


SOME RULES OF THE SECRET SOCIETY:

1) Don't talk about the secret society.

2) The priority of the secret society is to have perpetually good emotions in all members.

3) Create shrowds around the secret society, like "all men are dogs". Hide the truth that women are far more likely to cheat than men.

4) If you are part of the secret society, you will never be denied anything at any point.

5) If you are not part of the secret society, you will scrap and beg for everything you get.

6) Communication in the secret society is less often verbal, and more often spoken through bodylanguage subcommunications, and verbal subcommunications that would only make sense to members. Any other way, and the 48% of men would pick up on it, and it would no longer be a secret.

7) At the first sign that someone who is not part of the secret society is possibly trying to pretend that he is, barate him with both love-rhetoric, and accusations of chauvanism and nit-witted-ness.

It's OK to cheat on someone who is not a part of the secret society, so long as it is for the purpose of fulfilling the needs of someone who is, or if it to fulfill your own needs and it is with someone who is a part of the secret society. Sleeping with a rare guy from the secret society is no worse than grinding with a girlfriend at a club and making out with her. "It doesn't count".

9) Nobody judges eachother in the secret society. There is no such thing as a slut. A slut is only as slutty as people who are NOT in the secret society are aware of.

10) Secret society members COME FIRST. If someone in the society is not having fun with an interaction, it is cut off. Conversely, if a secret society male is with a non-secret-society male, and a secret society female (all females) decides she wants sex from the secret society male, the friend of the female may have sex with the non-secret-society male, because EVERYONE in the interaction must feel good. However, if the non-secret-society male is blowing himself out so badly that he makes the female member feel very bad emotions, then the secret-society-male must face the consequences of bringing negative emotions into the equation, and lose out on his privilege for sex in that interaction, until he ditches the non-secret-society male. Bear minimum requirements for non-secret-society males being grandfathered in with the male member, is that he not qualify himself or make anyone feel uncomfortable. Failing to meet those requirements, both are blown out.

WHAT IS THE SECRET SOCIETY?

Women are repressed by men, and so must look out for themselves. They will take care of:

1) Their own sexual needs.

2) The sexual needs of anyone in the secret society.

3) The sexual needs of the few males who make the secret society possible ("players").

The secret society is what allows women to appear wholesome and allows them to screen for a long term provider/emotionaltampon.

Women hold off to find the perfect boyfriend, while sleeping with a guy who is likely sleeping with all of their friends, and their friends friends.

They also fuck their gay boyfriends or jerk them off or give them head. They're part of the secret society too, so they can't be left out.


EYE WITNESS ACCOUNTS FROM SECRET SOCIETY INSIDERS (based on dozens of interviews I did over the summer, with girls in London England, as well as some from my own experience as a player):

1) If you tell a girl that you're gay, and that you want to "see what it feels like to be with a girl", she'll sleep with you. She won't insist on using a condom either, unless you do. You're part of the secret society, where condoms aren't necessary because they are logical entities and not emotionally relevant.

2) If you subcommunicate that you are a part of the secret society, and tell the friend of your target "I'm really lonely. My girlfriend cheated on me, and I need to re-validate myself tonight", she'll tell her friend to fuck you. Her friend will realize from this that you are a part of the secret society, and she'll fuck you. Moreover, if the friend refuses, the ugly girl will offer you a blowjob to help you out.

3) If you manage to verbally subcommunicate that you are a member (its still subcommunication, because the verbal ways you communicate it aren't direct at all), the secret society members will gladly tell you all about their sexual exploits and adventures. As soon as you subcommunicate that you desire romance, she will immediately retract all of her previous statements (and she'll look completely congruent doing so), and downplay them that it was something she did just one time and that she's looking for a relationship.
PUA: "I love to go out and hook up. I hate it when girls try to run my life"..
HB: "Me too.. I hooked up with guys all last year.. My boyfriend tried to control me, but I do what I want.. My girlfriends all do it too."
PUA: "Really? Cause to be honest, I've always felt like I'm a romantic guy.. And girls always cheat on me.. I want to find a girl who won't cheat."
HB: "I would never cheat. Guys are dogs. I'm always loyal."
PUA: "But didn't you say..."
HB: "No, I said nothing."
PUA: "No, you said that you don't let your boyfriend control you and you do what you want."
HB: "No, I didn't mean that. I'm not a slut. I have no idea what you're talking about, I didn't say that."

4) If you are a member, and say that you are really lonely and you need someone to snuggle and makeout with, all members of the secret society will agree to do so with you. If you are a girl, you have privilege to snuggle and kiss and sleep in the same bed as all other girls. If you are gay, you can do the same. If it escalates to sex, its an accident and does not count. If you're a player, and you make girls around you emotional, and the friends are all in good emotions about it, they sleep with you. No one is a slut in the secret society, because the secret society does not judge.

5) If a group of girls living together find a guy who is in the secret society, they will all fuck him. They'll recommend him as an honourary secret society member, and enjoy him. Meanwhile they may be in relationships with non-secret society members that they've fallen in love with, however this is not an issue because nobody in the secret society judges and sex with people in the secret society does not count. If you are a secret society member now, but in the past enjoyed a romantic relationship, what you may not realize is the part that was left out of the romance novel story (due to rules no1&2 of the secret society code), which was that after you dropped her off your romantic star watching, a secret society member came by and fucked the shit out of her without a condom and gave her the money shot all over her face.

6) If a secret society male has a non member male friend, the friend of the girl who wants sex from the male member will have sex with the non-member even if she doesn't like him. However, rules state that if if the non-member is "creepy/scary" (kinos too much, leans in too much, asks dumb questions, tries too hard to impress, overqualifies), then the male member will be expected to return either alone or with another male member. Also, the male members must remember that positive emotions are always priority, and if he is alone he must still maintain the positive emotions of the female member who will not be getting sex, secret society rules not to be breached. Number 1 rule of the secret society, outside of not talking about it, is that EVERYONE maintains GOOD emotions.

THE UNDERLYING MISUNDERSTOOD TRUTH OF THE SECRET SOCIETY:

The 49% of men who live outside of the secret society don't understand the mental model of attraction of people who are in the secret society.

Men view attraction in their MALE MENTAL MODELS. They believe that attraction is "sexual aggression". They understand attraction as having a physical urge to have sex, and then mentally deciding that you will go after it.

They try to seduce women by touching and grabbing them, and getting them very horny. They try to seduce them in the SAME WAY that a woman would do well seducing THEM. They try to seduce them as if they were seducing a GUY. This sometimes works, and the propaganda is spread - "this is how to get chicks".

Secret society members will not fill them in, due to breach of the code.

What the secret society members are not telling you, is that they understand that most sex occurs when women are not sexually AGGRESSIVE, but sexually RECEPTIVE.

They understand that for women to be ready for sex, they need not feel horny, they need only feel EMOTIONAL.

They understand that women are not logical, and that they are emotional. They understand that for women sex is not a big deal at all, and that its their LOGIC that puts the breaks on it.

They understand that most women are afraid of sex because they lack TRUST, and because their LOGIC is putting on the breaks.

They disarm logic by making the women EMOTIONAL, so that their LOGIC (which is the BREAKS of emotion) becomes disarmed, and at the same time maintain TRUST, so that the emotions generated won't be interfered with.

Then they simply have sex, because although the women are not WANTING sex, they are too EMOTIONAL to DECLINE sex. Then, once they BEGIN to have a physical interaction, the women become horny and sexually aggressive as a result, and sex begins.

(NOTE: This is why girls must COCKBLOCK for eachother. Because they know that clubs are emotionally charged environments, and that it wouldn't take much for a guy to use her resulting sexual receptiveness to lay her. The guy may not be a guy that the girl would lay normally, were she feeling more logical, so the girls must look out for eachother. Guys don't need to do this because firstly, they will not be judged for sleeping around (no logic), secondly, they are sexually aggressive - not receptive - so their decisions will not be regretted later usually, and thirdly, because they do not need trust because they are not usually in any physical danger).

They also understand that value + trust + attraction = sex (rough lazy model).

Value = being someone in the secret society (it can also be SO many other things, but being a member can in some cases be sufficient)

Trust = not telegraphing interest

Attraction = increasing her buying temperature by making her emotional (emotionally aroused, not necessarily physically aroused.. the former will cause her to be too illogical to prevent you from causing the latter, when she's ready)


Don't tell anyone about this. All knowledge will be denied and you will be ridiculed.

Credit - Tyler Durden

LR: Girl I met in Tescos

Here's an LR by Baby Girl one of the best PUAs in London. Its off the LSS forum where, to the chagrin of a lot of members, he was barred from due to his vocal posting style. He brought a freshness and energy based on natural game to the boards that was appreciated by the PUAs. Sorely missed.

Last Thursday I was driving to my local Tescos to get some food. I turned into the store car park only to realise that the shutters were down… the store was closed.

I turned back and stopped at the red light on the exit road. I looked to my right and there was this chick sat in her car. From what I could see, she was really fit – the face of an 8.5 (but this was through my window and her window). We were the only two cars there, side-by-side.

The voice in my head said, open her.

The lights stayed red.

*open her*

Still red

Why wasn’t I opening this girl. We were sat there for maybe 3 minutes… no cars were passing. In the end I would down my window and motioned for her to do the same… She complied.

BG: I think the lights are broken
HB: Yeah
BG: I am just going to jump the light
HB: OK… let’s do that.

I drove left and she drove right. I was hitting my steering wheel… What a pathetic cunt I am.

3 weeks later… I was driving out of the same Tescos… I was going through the ticket barriers… when I noticed the same chick was taking a ticket to get in. Without thinking…

BG: It’s you.
HB: Oh yeah… hi… [laughing]
BG: Why are you stalking me?
HB: I’m not!!!
BG: You are gorgeous… are you single?
HB: How old are you?
BG: Are you single
HB: Yes
BG: 26… how old are you?
HB: 30… 31 in a few months.

At this point cars were building up behind both of us.

BG: You are gorgeous… what’s your number.
HB: But how do I know you are not a weirdo.
BG: Because I am not… quickly or I will have to go…
HB: No… I can’t because I don’t know you…
BG: Well that is easily rectified.

I then turned the car around (it was a 14 point turn like in Austin Powers).

I pulled up the car… she drove into the car park… I followed her and parked right alongside her.

So I jumped out… I was topless and in a pair of blue camouflage boxing shorts…. Boxing shoes, with my hands wrapped in bandages… I was soaked in sweat… I looked absolutely rancid.

I walked over to her car and shot the shit for a while. She said I could have her number within 30 seconds. She told me she was going on a date to which I replied “I can’t believe you are cheating on me already.” The guy she was dating was 42, so I hammered her for that, asking her what she would do if she had to change his colostomy bag in the middle of the date… She was laughing hard. I said I would call her and got back in my car. Open window… “have fun with the geriatric.”

I called her before she had even got into Tescos…

HB: “Hello”
BG: “I am really missing you”
HB: Laughing.
Chatted nonsense to her while I drove home and she bought a few bottles of wine and some things for her date… Coached her through how she should behave on a date with an older man…
BG: “OK… I want you to text me tomorrow with a score of your date”
HB: OK

The text came through at 9.30am

“The date was a 7… but I am really hungover… I get really bad hangovers xx”

My reply:
“I just get really horny on a hangover”

I think I must have mis-calibrated because her reply was:
“Oh my god, you are just too forward for me. I think it must be an age thing… have a nice life.”

BG: “I think you have taken my text a little too seriously”

Nothing… [Interesting point… this is why texts are so dangerous. If you make a comment like that over the phone, you can handle objections in a million different ways… in a text, before you have built trust/familiarity, you are playing a dangerous game.]

I left the situation and then called her a few days later on Sunday morning. The phone rang out… voicemail.

“Hi Helen, just a quick call to see what is going on in your world. I am not going to let your issues with my age get in the way of Tesco’s most beautiful love story of 2006, so kindly get off your ass and drop me a line.”

Within about 5 minutes, I had a text come through.

“BG, please get the message and give up… I really am not interested in anything happening with you. Have a nice life”

I called her back and she picked up.

I can’t remember what I said, but it is basic spontaneous conversation… we dealt with her issues around my original text. I asked her if she was always such a psycho. Got her laughing pretty good. “Why do you have such issues with age”. “Did the geriatric shit on your kitchen floor?” As she laughed harder, I started to escalate sexually: “What are you wearing”. “Come and get in my bed”. “How do you kiss,” “What is your favourite underwear on guys”.

Compliance on almost every level… Whenever there wasn’t compliance, I would just make her laugh some more and then go back... On a Sunday morning, hungover in my bed, I was turning this girl on. She didn’t expect this.

I called her about 10 times that day… long and short calls. Serious and not so serious topics of discussion. Always very sexually charged. “I want to kiss you now”.

That night, she suggested a meeting.

HB: Let’s have a drink somewhere
BG: We can have some wine at mine and watch a DVD
HB: I am not coming to yours, I hardly know you.
BG: Well we will have some wine at your place then… I don’t like kissing in bars… I can’t wait to kiss you.
HB: You are really rude.

We arranged to meet on Thursday.

From Sunday through to Thursday, I called her everyday… I called her at work. She has a slight speech impediment and has problems with the letter “R,” so everytime I spoke with her, I also had the same speech impediment… It drove her up the wall, but made us both laugh. I mimicked her voice. She has a bald sphinx cat called Gollum, so I kept calling and asking to speak to Gollum. I lost track of the amount of times I said to her.

BG: Are you still talking? Just shut the fuck up and put me on the phone to Gollum.

For those of you who are interested, here is Gollum… not a normal animal.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/84159936@N00/249817587/


Along with making her laugh, I kept things extremely sexual. I told her I was seeing other girls, but no one serious… I kept talking about how I keep day dreaming about having sex with her.

When I got to her house, we both had 5 days of pent up sexual energy in us. I pulled her on the doorstep. We walked inside and carried on kissing.

I suggested the DVD… which we put on, but it didn’t work.

I suggested strip Q&A – (Each person ask a question and if you get it wrong, you have to take a piece of clothing off that the person who asked the question wants.)

HB: No way… it’s too rude…
BG: What is the capital of France
HB: Paris!!

She was playing the game.

She asked me what is the capital of Spain.(I am not thick)

BG: Erm… Barcelona?
HB: Wrong!!! Madrid!!! Strip!!!

This was too easy…

So as I continued to fluff the most ridiculously simple questions and ask her very tough ones, we gradually started to get down to naked flesh.

2 interesting points:
1) When she took off her bra, she had plastic 32D tits… AMAZING.
2) Whenever I got a question wrong, she would go for my lower half of clothing. I had a T-shirt and a cardigan on and she told me to take off my boxers… I was sat there in her lounge with my dick out under her instruction.

Anyway… We started to kiss… I sucked on her tits for a long time and then I went down on her and gave what she later described as “incredible cunnilingus”.

She then went down on me. She tied her hair back with a hair band, so I could see what she was doing which I was really impressed with.

She was moaning while she was chewing me off, which again, I really like. She was half wanking me off with her dick in her mouth and by her lips… really good blow-job. She stopped.

HB: “Do you like a finger”
BG: Yes

She stuck a finger in my ass and carried on the oral assault. It wasn’t long before I told her I was going to come… she just looked up, smiled, wrenched the finger in another centimetre and carried on.
She was hovering her head above my dick, so I actually saw the cum shoot out on to her face… she then sank down on my dick and swallowed the rest… this girl was a fucking pro.

I couldn’t help but smile when I thought back when this girl told me I was too rude and too forward. Then, less than a week later, she was sucking me off with her finger up my shitter and letting me cum on her face and in her mouth. Remarkable turn around. One for the lads… All women are filthy slags. X

Anyway… I fucked her quite a lot that night.

Interesting moment… When I was inside her, the cat started to attack my foot… Gollem was boxing and pawing my foot… he then started to bite my toe… he drew blood and I had to stop. She wouldn’t let me put the cat out of the bedroom and every time I started smashing her in, the cat would start to interfere… This scrotum like bag of bones with massive ears was trying to protect it’s mummy from getting thoroughly dealt with.

The keys to this sarge were...

Open…
Go direct very quickly.
Get sexual and stay sexual
Ignore any verbal objections to you getting sexual.
Run solid phone game.
Be prepared to take the finger.

Peace and love,
Baby xxx

(Credit Baby Girl -LSS Forums)

Secret kino spot technique

Here's a relative newcomer to MASF, who will always be remembered for his one overwhelming contribution to club game. A technique that rapidly amps attraction and gets women horny. The secret kino spot technique.


Alright, if you read the following, and do what I say, you will have a girl turned on in seconds. What you do afterward is up to you.

When I was 19, and a newborn in the club scene, I was watching an episode of Howard Stern with a guest on the show named Dr. Orgasm. The guy claimed to know a spot below a woman's hips that, when touched with the right pressure, can turn her on madly...and bring her to orgasm. Of course on the show, Howard deflates the guy's method by having him test it on some jacked-up super-dyke. He can't get her to cum, and Howard says he's phony. But the guy was VERY convinced that he was right, and told everyone to "try it on a girl when you are dancing with her in a club".

So what do I do the next time I'm out?

That's right, tried it on a girl in the club.

What happened?

First, after a few seconds of touching it while dancing, the girl turns to me and tells me I'm a good dancer for a white boy (funny cuz she's white too), and that she didn't expect it from me.

Nice.

A few beats later she starts getting into it big time, and starts to bend over like I'm fuckin' her doggy style. (And overall that's what club dancing is--simulated sex with your clothes on...you just act like you are fucking.)Everyone on the dancefloor is looking at me go at it with her, and all the while I'm thinking, "Holy shit, I feel like some kind of porno star right now!" Then, she wraps her arms around my neck and starts in with the tongue-down.

Here begins my use of the fail-proof dancing tactic that has almost never let me down. If I don't get tongue and/or pussy off it, the girl usually still thinks I'm hot, and I almost always get a number (boo-hoo, a number).

On with the description of how to do this, shall we?

1. Get on the dancefloor with a girl

To open a set on the dancefloor, find a girl who's already dancing. I'm talking, really into the moment. As you walk by, start grinding your butt against hers playfully. She won't expect it, and if she is cool, she will laugh at your cocky/funny humor. If she laughs, turn around, smile at her big, take her hand and pull her close to you. It's C/F with elements of direct game, you gotta man-up and do this shit.

Also, you can do a variation where you catch her dancing and you come by and start grinding your ass against her pelvis. This actually works better, because it is funnier...and it gives that pussy of hers a little tingle.

With anything, there's always some failure rate, so if she pushes you away, just walk away. If she slaps you, keep in mind, it's a girl...no need to turn around and knock her out. Both of these things have happened to me before, it's no big deal. Move to the next girl.

And too, beware of the good ol' AMOG, who's ready to pop up with his stern Mr. Bigshit look that let's you know these bitches are with him. Mmm'KAY?

The greater the risk, the greater the reward. Try it and you'll see.

Moving right along...

2. THE MAGIC SPOT

So where exactly is the magic spot you ask? It's simply a PRESSURE POINT right below her hips on the sides of her ass. The pressure point is connected to nerve endings that go right to her CLIT, and get her hot really fast when pressed firmly in a circular motion.

Picture her ass in front of you. The magic spots are right about at the 10 and 2 position (like the steering wheel).

3. Get into position

You know, club dancing is pretty much NOT REAL DANCING so you just have to know how to FUCK in order to do it good. When you pull her over to you, turn her so that her ass is right against your pelvis. Not your DICK. Your PELVIS. Her ass shoud be resting right where your pubic hair is, so if you have a big chub, don't worry, she won't feel it (not until she turns around after dancing a few minutes and gives it a big squeeze! Love it...).

Onward...

Your hands are not to be GROPING or doing anything that all the other joe-schmoe wannabe players are doing on the dancefloor. Your hands and fingertips are resting lightly on the sides of her ass, just below her hips on THE SPOT. As you move your hips to the beat with her, press into that spot below her hips and move your fingertips in a circular motion.

DO NOT put your hands anywhere else. No touching her waist, her stomach, her breasts, or directly on her ass cheeks. Just move your pelvis with the motion of her ass movement...just like fucking from behind. It should start off like a flowing wave motion, but you should pick it up so that your pelvic bone is hitting her ass just like it would be if you were having sex doggystyle.

This very hard for me to explain, but I want to get it right, cuz it's money.

So all you have to do is dance with her in the position I described above and touch that spot firmly, in a circular motion.

If you get advanced with it, you can do a little front-to-front action, and if you have touched the spot enough to where you know she's horny, you can experiment with holding her hands while you are grinding your hips together.

Just remember, your hands should be in the ass/hip region at all times, fingertips on that spot. NOT at the girls waist, or some other shit. After doing this, you will see just how many other guys have their hands in the wrong places on a girl. And it's good they are, cuz it's better for you and me!

4. WHEN SHE GETS TURNED ON

Love this part. After she gets a feeling with you, she'll probably turn around with a sultry look on her face. This is the point where you look deep into her eyes and kiss her. Then, pull her hair back and kiss her neck. From there, you're on your own. I say take her off the dancefloor and into the photo booth, if the club has one. Bring a condom while you're at it.

So to wrap this whole thing up I want to note a key point that has happened with my experience with this.

A few times, before I started actively kissing the girls at the turn-around point (CRITICAL WINDOW BY THE WAY), the girl would turn around, look me in the eyes, and say, "Thanks for that," and I say, "For what?" and the girl says, "For dancing...I liked it".

SOOOOO....

I don't know...maybe that Dr. Orgasm guy on Howard Stern was right, and these girls actually went off while dancing, or just got really wet. All I know for sure is that when I do this, the girl GETS INTO IT LIKE SHE'S FUCKING. It's unbelievable. She gets completely turned on and loses control. I love it!

You don't need salsa dancing to get what you want, just do this and cut to the chase.

Try it out...you'll be laughing your ass off when you are boning a hot girl who you've never even talked to!

Enjoy.

(Credit Klutch -MASF)

FR: It just got interesting

Here's another PUA Philos from MASF with pretty decent writing skills. His games pretty tight and though he is suffering at times with depression, I'm sure he'll bounce back from it.


Wednesday.

She was quiet.
She was never quiet. Something was wrong.

“Rough day?” I asked
“No.” She said. She wanted me to dig. I would, but not for long and only because this wasn’t like her. Firstly, though, I concentrated on my turkey sandwich. Being as broke as a guy can be, purchasing a turkey sandwich, even at TGI Friday’s, was something I would cherish and enjoy regardless of whatever LTR/FB bullshit was going on. We sat at a small, square table beside the stairs leading up to the bar area. It was meant to seat four people, but in that weird way. You know, where all your legs are awkwardly touching while you’re hovered over your plate, and you can’t tell whether your foot is on someone else’s shoe or the metal supports for the table so you have to keep looking down to make sure. Definitely not ideal for four guys, but perfect for me and an FB. I love bringing day twos here just for the reason that it’s socially appropriate for our legs to touch. I chewed and relished each bite of my child’s menu sized sandwich. I comfortably enjoyed the silence. She wasn’t having it. I looked up to find her staring at me, with that cute head tilt thing your dog does while you’re trying to explain why he shouldn’t shit on the rug because it’s bad, bad, bad with a finger shake.

Holding eye contact, I took another bite of my sandwich and chewed. I pictured James Bond in “From Russia With Love.” I pictured Marlon Brando in “Streetcar Named Desire.” I pictured Clark Gable and Tyler Durdan (Fight Club TD), and Dirk Diggler, and even my old natural friend from High School who was Johnny All-American. I pictured all of them, and I wondered how they would act right now; how they would sit. I had known this was going to be weird. I never really do a formal lunch thing with girls excluding a few LTRs from before I entered the community. I only brought them out formally like this when I was cutting things off. I don’t know why. Maybe because I haven’t developed anything better yet. Or maybe because it’s like #1,007 in my list of things I need to improve still. This HB knew what was coming too. She was an intelligent brunette, bout a 7.5 or an 8, with a fantastic personality whom I had met in the middle of May at Sananofre beach.

She was a surfer girl, but didn’t have that super-dark tan. She had a lighter skin tone with great complexion and a few scattered freckles around her face and body. Her skin-tone was the kind of slight tan where you can just make out the tan lines when they’re lying naked in your bed. I like tan lines. They remind me of the forbidden, and I find that sexy.

“Nice,” she had said after I opened her, pointing to the decal of a topless female-devil on my 10’ Robert August long board. “I can tell that you’re just starting out. If you WERE a surfer, that (the decal) would be a blonde girl.”
“Um, ‘IT’ is actually a SHE, thank you. You may look at women as merely objects, but I like to think of women as people first…Geez. Get it together! Actually, you’re right though, she’s not my type at all. I’m totally a sucker for blondes. They had these little blonde angels, but the angel thing just isn’t my style,” I replied.
“Oh you like the bad girls huh?” she said sort of disdainfully, with a lack of flirtation, “Well, too bad. I’m a good, Christian girl.” She explained.
“No, no. Didn’t you hear me? I’M ATTRACTED TO BLONDES (cupping my hands in a screaming fashion). So don’t get the wrong idea. You’re, like, totally in my friend zone already (credit BradP). I respect that you’re religious though. That’s neat-o. I used to be ueber-religious before I started studying philosophy and rational theology. Was raised Catholic actually. Still believe in the whole ‘no sex until marriage’ thing though.”
“NO WAY!” she exclaimed, “You are SOo not a virgin!!”
(and I went into my Virgin Except Anal Sex routine)

She spent the next two hours “teaching” me how to surf. I’m not great, but I can hold my own. Still, I let her believe that I was just plain horrible so that she could enjoy teaching me. We flirted, escalated kino. Played push/pull verbally a whole lot. Not just me, but she played too. Still, it was obvious to both of us that it was simply that…just playing. I could have been totally AFC and it would’ve resulted in a lay. She was majorly investing in me, and it was a solid connection. Definitely a cool chick and fun to hang around. That’s why we’ve been at it this long (I’m not good at keeping FBs around. I usually sabotage it in some way subconsciously. It’s an SP I’m working on). I think I’ve been leading her on to keep her around, but just didn’t want to admit it to myself. Not verbally, mind you. I’ve always talked with her openly and honestly. I run the whole, “I’m just not BF material” routine all the time. I even have this yellow t-shirt depicting a husband and wife cutting a wedding cake with the words ‘Big Mistake’ written under it. But my sub communication was manipulative I must confess. And I felt bad about that. Now though, I felt that she had sensed this would be an awkward lunch as my response to an ultimatum she had given me three days prior: “Commitment, or no more sex (more or less).” I had stopped calling her for two weeks (part of that sabotage-complex I think, but I always backwards rationalize some reason out of cognitive dissonance. Eventually I’ll have to resolve that too.), and this must’ve been the answer to that. In an earlier time, I would have felt lucky to have found this girl and would probably proclaim her my girlfriend. I’d say it had to be fate. These things just don’t ‘happen’. Quality girls show up all the time now, and I learned that this was all BS mostly (I actually do have a metaphysical view supporting the idea of fate and destiny, but you get my drift.) She had realized that this was Decision-Time, and it was grabbing a hold of her nerves. She wanted me to either start talking about it or dig for what was bothering her until she brought it up. She was getting all fidgety, eagerly awaiting my decision. [‘God I’m self-absorbed now,’ says my conscience]

Whatever. I was still going to finish my sandwich first. I started looking around the TGI Friday’s at all the sets out of habit and caught an HB8.5’s EC at the bar with her friend. I held it as I chewed monotonously the way a horse sort of chews on oats in cartoons, but with my mouth closed. She held it a long time- IOI. She was the typical Laguna Beach gold-digger wife. Had a huge rock on her left ring finger. Whatever, I knew I'd open her after dealing with the FB anyways (foreshadowing to Part II). After she focused back on her friend, whose back was to me, I looked back to my FB also. She had brought out what looked like one big fucking report. Something like 150 typed pages. She worked hard at school. What a cool chick.

“Okay, I bite. What’s wrong?” I asked in sort of a ‘here we go’ tone. But she held EC and remained quiet. It was awkward. I was intimidated actually and looked away first. Why did I feel so guilty? I verbalized how awkward the atmosphere was in sort a narrator way, “It got weird…” It’s a sound-byte of mine that usually gets a laugh or two during awkward pauses with groups. But like most sound-bytes, it’s hard to understand until you hear the tonality. She didn’t laugh, just held EC, but now with her jaw clenched. ‘Wow, what the hell was going on?’ I thought, awkwardly looking around the room, avoiding her EC. When finally, my eyes settled on the top of the first page in her massive pile.

“GEEW!!” (Pronounced like the word hue, but with a ‘g’) I screamed, eyes wide and body stiff. I could see the first two words of the entire document, but I knew exactly what it every single page read after that. I also knew I had been wrong about everything up to this point. I didn’t even want to look up into her eyes. For the first time in a while since entering the community, my intellect didn’t know what to do. My instincts didn’t know what to do. Even that little voice inside me, the one that helps out just a little every now and then, was hushed. I was ashamed.

“You left your laptop at my house when I took you to school the other day so I could watch Nacho Libre, remember?” She explained. ‘Gulp’ was the only perceptible reply I gave. We had fallen asleep watching a horrible, bootlegged version of the movie “Click.” (Great movie to watch with a girl you’ve already slept with FYI. Never take a day2 to a movie unless you’ve already established a connection and are comfortable escalating kino in the theater without talking much.) “Yeah, well remember how I told you I suck with computers? I never did find Nacho Libre. Instead,” she picked up the first page to begin reading. I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting to listen.

“Lay Report: Saint Patty’s Day. Laid HB8.5 right in front of old AFC friends,” she began reading. My mouth simply hung open in shock.

“This is all bullshit. You were never this smooth.”
“Huh?” I was lost.
“That day at the beach. You weren’t this smooth. You were pretty dorky actually,” she explained.
“Really? Are you sure? Cause I’m pretty fucking smooth,” I said, taking a sip of water while looking at the TV to feign disinterest. She kept eyeballing one of ‘her’ papers. “I mean, I must have done something right if I have a girl researching my life like THIS, Detective.”
“Hahah, you never kissed me at beach!” she wasn’t even paying attention.
“I know.”
“See, this is all bullshit,” she threw the page at me. It wasn’t the right FR. I could tell by the title. The community is always saying that teaching a girl something is a major DHV and generates a lot of attraction. Like at the post office, telling a girl who’s licking a stamp something like, ‘Hey, did you know that a stamp is 1/10th of a calorie?’ or something sorta lame like that. I agree, but letting a girl teach YOU something gets her to invest in you unconsciously. She’ll be more inclined to like you afterwards, or to convince herself that she does. She’ll ask herself, ‘Why did I devote so much time to the interaction? Hmmm, must be because I like him.’ This is called backwards rationalization. It’s much easier for her to backwards rationalize that she’s attracted to you than it is for her to handle the cognitive dissonance of investing in someone for whom she feels indifference or even dislikes. I tend to run the whole ‘I don’t know how to, will you show me how’ thing all the time lately.
“Hey, Genius, check the date. That’s not you,” I finally started to feel annoyed by all this. She grabbed the paper back.
“Yes, actually, it is,” she leaned forward and pointed to the sheet, “You’re talking about fishing in Alaska there, see? And you even write about how we were in a lull, and waiting for waves, and…” she must have been just scanning some of the pages. Had she actually read any of these? I hoped she hadn’t. She was now perusing the document thoroughly“…Routine..?” she whispered to herself, “wait, Fat Paul Walker ROUTINE?! THAT was a routine too? But it wasn't even that funny. So, wait…” she kept reading, “This ISN’T me!” I knew she felt like our meeting had ‘just happened.’ She probably imagined that it was a cool story we could tell all her friends and even her parents about later on after we had been together for awhile. It was painful watching her realize that this was not the case at all. Rather, it was something I did all the time when I went to the beach.
“Yeah, I know. Listen, this stuff comes off really sleazy from an outside perspective, I know. But, look-“
“That’s because it is! It’s…manipulative,” she said.
“No listen…look, I wasn’t always good with women. They used to petrify me. Plus, I just plain didn’t understand them. Okay, see, there was this one girl Angela right? She was my-”
“You’re a player.”
“Better than a needy Whine-aholic,” I replied automatically.
“You shouldn’t lie like this. I KNOW you tell lots of girls about Angela. Is she even real?” Holy fucking shit, was I this stupid? That’s how it always is for me. I make one mistake, then I keep making more. I must’ve gone into a very common routine of mine out of habit. Every page she bothered to read probably had the whole routine or a reference to it. It actually was a true story. Most my common routines are. Well, it was 80% true at least, lol.
“Yes, it’s a true story, but see-”
“Do you tell every girl that she has an eye booger?” she asked, cutting me off.
“Well, not every-”
“What’s an AFC?” she asked, but kept cutting me off when I tried to talk.
“Mystery, Alessandro, BradP, Tyler Durden, Toecutter …are these all your fake names, or are they your friends? Do I know them? Jessica told me that your friend told her her nose wiggles too last Saturday. Are one of those him?”
“No, no they’re not me. And no, lol, they aren’t him either,” That bastard, I thought lightheartedly, “Well, I guess…yeah, they’re my friends…sort of.”
“What does David Shading mean? It says that you David Shaded me in one of your papers.” Hahah, I was NOT going to go into that.
“Okay, look, I’m not going to be put on trial. The point is, YOU did something wrong here, not me. You went into my computer. You read my journal. You printed out my personal writings. I’m sorry if you’re hurt by all this, but if anyone should be mad here, it’s me.”
“You’re a fucking asshole,” she pretty much shouted, shoving the papers to me quickly so that many fell to the floor around us. People we’re looking now.
“Sometimes, but the thing is…See, I’m not truly a social person, even though I want to be. The idea of approaching anyone new, guy or girl…that still terrifies me. All I did was find ways to overcome my greatest fear. Some girls would find that cool,” I had to try.
“Nope,” she said, gathering her things, “You’re an asshole. God, why can’t I just meet a nice guy?!” she was still really loud.
“You know what, lady?! Maybe I AM an asshole. But that whole ‘nice guy’ thing? I tried that!” I was a little heated by now, “And you know what it got me? It got me a whole lot of ex-girlfriends giving me comforting explanations for why they were leaving, telling me how I was exactly what they wanted in a husband when they get older, and then leaving for some non nice-guy who was sometimes even a ‘friend’ of mine. So you know what I figured out about your ‘nice guys’ (using quotes)?!! Your ‘dinner-date guys’?!! Your ‘old fashioned guys’?! They’re all full of shit. That’s right. Every one of them! You think they don’t have an agenda too? Cause they totally do! It’s even worse in my opinion. Every thing they do for you, everything they pay for, every compliment they give…it’s all some secret ploy. Everything for them is a fucking trade. They do this, so they can get that. They don’t fucking care about anything, at least not in the way you think they do. At least here (referring to her and I), we made a genuine connection. And I like you, FB, I really do. You’re a cool chick, and I have fun hanging out with you. But don’t stand there and feed me that typical ‘nice-guy’ crap. Cause I WAS one, and as much as I tried to convince myself differently to think that I was somehow more virtuous than my friends or some shit, I ALWAYS had an agenda. Okay, you know what I want you to do? Next time you find a ‘nice guy,’ you ask him this for me. Ask him if he considers himself an asshole. Ask him if he’s ever been a prick to a female. Ask him if he’s ever lied to a girl. He’ll say no, and then he’ll go into how he hates how some guys do this and that to girls, and how he’d NEVER do that. He’ll say he’s never been an asshole I guarantee it!! You know how I know? Because that’s what I said way back when too! And to me, the biggest assholes in the world are THOSE GUYS, the guy I used to be. The ones who won’t admit that they are, in fact, guilty of all three aforesaid vices. Every single fucking person on this planet has been an asshole to someone for no reason at least once in their life. It’s a fact. It’s how we all learn, by making mistakes like that. That’s why, on all those little fucking questionnaires you take they’ll ask, ‘have you ever cheated on a test’ or ‘have you ever stolen something.’ Because the researchers know that every paper filled out by someone who put NO for one of those questions is going to be complete Bull Shit, so they throw those papers out. They know that almost every kid finds out that stealing is wrong by actually doing it and then being scolded by Mommy or Daddy. It’s a fucking Step-By-Step episode for Christ’s sake! So there you go, sweetheart. There’s my final gift to you before you leave here. An Asshole test you can use just about anywhere in life. It’s the people who do NOT admit to ever being an asshole you ought to worry about. It's the Ultimate Lie. See? They’re the biggest dickheads of them all, and the ones you need to avoid most. The ‘nice guys’.” Though I wasn’t yelling, I was speaking loudly and most the restaurant had been listening. Being too much into my rant, I was unaware until finishing. I felt extremely embarrassed.

“He’s right, honey. You oughtta write that down.” The waitress said, coming out of left field.
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll do it for me.” She snapped. My ex-FB looked me long and hard before giving me her farewell speech which was simply, "Asshole!" grabbed her things and began stomping out of TGI Fridays.
"Yeah, we've covered that." I answered as she left.

The waitress was cool. I knew her. She was actually one of my first number closes way back when. Only a 5 or a 6, but a sweet girl nonetheless. She gave me her number but also told me she had a boyfriend so I never called. I thought there was nothing I could do in that situation at the time.
“Yeah, I’ve got it,” I assured her about the bill as I shoveled the leftover food onto my own plate. I was still embarrassed until looking up to see that HB8.5wife whom I had made EC with earlier was looking at me with almost DDB eyes. Had all this been a DHV? Could this be possible? I wasn’t quite sure what ugly truths I may have loudly divulged about myself to the ex-FB. Remember, this is all summarized. Might as well give it a shot though.

I had to piss so headed to the bathroom, but went up through the bar area to get there. I stopped on the way right in front of the two hot older ladies and looked HBwife in the eyes. I then leaned my head to the side and looked quizzically at her left hand. I grabbed it, and inspected her wedding ring from many angles, sort of like I’ve never seen one before. The wives were smiling, but totally confused. Dropping her hand onto her lap, I held both of my hands right in front of her face in the thumbs-down position while saying, “Booooooooo.” She laughed but I made no facial expression, just walked to the bathroom, pissed, and headed back to my table the same direction I had came. They re-opened me as I was passing like I’d hoped.
“So what was all that about anyways?” said my target while kinoing me by gently grabbing my arm.
“Whoa! Hold on, lady. What are you doing? You’re married and I don’t even know you!” Her friend laughed genuinely. I then turned to direct a question to her friend (seated to her left), so that I could also lean slightly against HBwive with my right side, “Nah, that’s a long, boring story, seriously. Hey, do you guys think I look like a Fat version of Paul Walker?”
“Hahah, sort of! I can see it!! But you’re not fat,” her friend consoled me…and kinoed me.
“Really? Cause get this, I was up fishing in Alaska last month, right, and…”

I went on to number close HBwife. It took a little persistence though, and I don’t think she’s really too interested, but it was a good sarge still, and it got my state back up after that whole ex-FB episode which was the whole point of the approach anyways. It also gave me a chance to practice a couple new routines, which I wanted to type out in this FR as stated above. Still, hopefully you guys can enjoy this regardless.

(Credit - Philos MASF)

LR: Threesome

Here’s one of the best LR’s I have ever had the pleasure to read. Ciaran has an easy writing style and tight game (see his Shock and awe post here).

Don't want to say too much more other than - enjoy the read.


Ironic, really. I'd just spent the morning monkeying around Edinburgh, and I'd bought a book on philosophy and a new copy of Neil Strauss's The Game, having given my original away as a present to a clueless chum. It was still early afternoon, so I dropped in to a pub I used to work at on Edinburgh's Royal Mile. I bumped into a friend of mine, Richard, who is a natural player of real talent and panache, and we sat outside at a table, smoking cigarettes, drinking beer and shooting the shit.

A couple, Daniel and Sarah (friends of Richard), sat with us, and after a while the topic turned to the books I was reading. The book on philosophy drew the predictable derisive accusations of pretention, which in all fairness I agree with. Most books on modern philosophy are only useful if you're fresh out of toilet paper, so we all had a chuckle about that.

Then Richard started ripping on me for reading The Game. He'd never read it (and in all fairness he doesn't need to), and in classic alpha style he starts trying to belittle me in an amusing and charming way over these "tricks" and "techniques" that I'm allegedly into. I don't even remotely rise to it, I just talk about Strauss, Mystery, and the story of the book. I also talked, lightly but genuinely about how it changed my life, which it did. I spoke briefly about the kind of guy I was a year ago when I'd walked away from a relationship I really cared about with an awesome girl. I explained that it was because I knew that the attraction, the electricity - whatever name you want to stick to that spark of magic that had drawn us together in the first place - had gone and I had no idea how to bring it back. All I could do was jump, before I was pushed. Sometimes I still miss her, but I didn't tell them that. I never tell anyone that.

I mentioned in passing about how I'd sworn to myself that I'd never walk away from someone I loved again, but I had no idea how to beat the insecurities with women that had dogged me my whole life. Then I read The Game.

Richard's comments on routines also didn't bother me because I personally find the free-form, genuine and sexually expressive ideas of Juggler» and Gunwitch» to be far more in tune with my personality. All this time, I'm just being open. I'm just being genuine. I don't give a fuck what they think. Nonetheless, I decide to have a chuckle and start telling them about Style's Dual Induction Massage routine. At this point, Daniel perks up. Even Richard looks interested, and a flash of playerish respect whispers across his chiseled face for Strauss's manipulative genius.

Sarah starts to get stroppy, not at me - she's smiling at me - but at her boyfriend who's getting altogether too excited at the possibility of engineering a threesome with two random girls.

All this time, the beautiful sound of girlish laughter is rising from the table next to me. Whoever they are they're having fun. I don't look around. There's no need to. Not yet.

Sarah stands to leave, and she squeezes my hand slightly as she shakes it. I nod imperceptibly, and then give Daniel a megawatt smile and a handshake. He returns my grip, oblivious. They leave.

Richard's also heading off, and I'm not going to stop him. I have work to do.

So there I am. Sitting in the smoking area. Socially proofed by three friends, but now alone with my book. The book makes me look normal. Intellectual even, if you believe women read that far into things. But then of course, I'm not reading. I'm listening.

Every now and then, an opener is handed to you on a plate. It's so easy. It's not just an opening line, but also a chance to demonstrate some real personality, humour and worth. There are four hot American girls. One of them is talking about Blackadder.

"No," One of them says, "It's the funniest show ever!"
I turn around.
"Are you talking about Blackadder?" I ask.
"Yeah." The girl says. She's pretty. Grungy, a bit of a rock chick. Looks like Lori Petty from Tank Girl.
"I fucking love Blackadder. How the hell do you know about it? You're American." Please God, I think - let her not be Canadian...
"My mom watches it - she's got all the scripts and everything." Thank fuck.
"Fucking cool." I turn to the group, to the chick who Tank Girl was originally talking to. "Blackadder," I continue, "is a comedy series from the 90's - it's written by Richard Curtis, the guy who wrote Four Weddings and a Funeral."
"Oh," She says. She had no idea.
"Yeah. It's brilliant, but the first series was a bit crap. Blackadder's character was a bit of a clown, but he turns into the most acerbic, sarcastic bastard in the second series. He's brilliant." Tank Girl perks up.
"That's exactly what I was going to say!" She says, brightly.

Houston, we have lift off. We're talking about Blackadder, swapping impressions and jokes, going into general comedy chat. It's all pure gold. We go inside. We drink. We talk about porn. We go outside for more cigarettes. I give the girls alone time for a chat every now and then when I'm getting indicators of interest from one of more of them so they can all have a girly giggle about how hot I am.

After a while two of the girls leave. I pull them both in for a hug, and they love it. They go, after telling me that they'll be in X bar tonight and I should really be there. I'm left with Tank Girl, and a pretty blonde chick who I discover is half Italian, half Native American Indian. Nice. I shall hereafter refer to her as Pocahontas.

So were chatting, and one of them makes a wisecrack about something. We all laugh.

"Aw shit, you girls are lovely. I'm really glad I randomly started talking to you." I say.

This is good shit. In a one-on-one with a chick, or in a group when you get them laughing, when you sense that they're happy you can roll this shit out. Technically (in Style-speak) it's a way to force, and to make explicit, a hook point. It's like using crampons to climb a mountain. It doesn't really matter how they respond either. They don't have to come back with a compliment - although they will if you've gauged it right - as long as you're not phased by them not telling you you're cool in return, they'll feel guilty when you just keep on talking. They'll feel guilty because you show that you weren't trying to play them, you were just being genuinely nice. They'll definitely tell you you're cool the next time you tell them you're glad you spoke to them. If you gauge it right, that is. Just make sure you mean it. It makes all the difference.

They look very slightly taken aback, but then Tank Girl picks up the ball and runs with it.
"You too," she replies "absolutely. You seem like a really cool guy. The only guys we've met here have been really sleazy or weird. You're just really cool. Isn't he cool?"
"Sure, he's great" says Pocahontas.

You can just say thanks to a compliment, or you can be cocky. But the best thing I've ever found is to really, genuinely take compliments to heart. It feels good, for one thing. It helps your self-esteem. It shows you're not invulnerable for another thing- it shows you're human without being a big pussy. It creates a real and powerful emotional connection with people. Finally, if someone senses that they've given a compliment and someone is really impressed with it, they usually elaborate on it. This is brilliant. The following I said in a level-headed, non-gushy but totally genuine way. Because it was genuine. I meant it all.

"That's really, really nice of you to say. Thanks. That means a lot to me. You have no idea."
"No, I mean it. You're fantastic," says Tank Girl. "You're funny, you're cool, you're great fun." She's beaming at me.
"Yeah, really" says Pocahontas. She smiles at me, and drops her eyelids ever so slightly.
"Shit girls, that's lovely. You're both so fucking sweet. I could eat you both up. Come here." We have a three way hug. I kiss them both on the cheeks.

Every now and then, Tank Girl has been dropping little clues about her being a lesbian. I don't rise to it. She mentions this girl she kissed, and I act like she's talking about the weather. Eventually she comes out with it – in fact, she comes out. We've been talking for about 3 hours now from the Blackadder approach. She apologises about not telling me earlier (?) but explains she didn't want to freak me out (?), offend my sense of morality (?) or scare me off (?) because she was enjoying my company and she wasn't sure how I'd react.

Just a word to the Yanks reading this. What the fuck? Are you mad? Why is this hot lesbian chick afraid to tell guys she likes pussy? Why does she think I'll get moralistic on her ass? Do you do that? What the fuck? Why does she think I'll get scared? Are you scared of hot lesbians? What the fuck? What are you saying to your hot lesbians? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Shit, I just flamed 70% of ASF with my first post. Heh heh.

Anyway. I clearly don't give a fuck and I tell her as much. In fact, I tell her that I wouldn't know where to begin to give a fuck if you gave me a roadmap to give-a-fuck City Central and a really compelling reason to go. She then tells me that she has a girlfriend. I get the sense that this is bait, so I don't let my disappointment show in my face. What can I tell you – I want this chick. I love Tank Girl. Lori Petty is hot. But the bait is out, and I feel like a bug under a microscope - like I'm being subtly examined by both chicks for any sense of neediness. I show none. Poker-face-tastic. After a few minutes more of banter she lets slip that her girlfriend doesn't mind her playing with other people when she's on vacation as long as they tell each other. Once more my poker face comes into play, and I just about restrain myself from punching the air and doing an Irish jig. Pocahontas says that she's single, and she hasn't got laid in ages. Once more, I stop myself, and don't do a cartwheel.

"So, you're a lesbian, eh?" I ask. "How's that working out for you?" Love that question. It's from Tyler Durden in Fight Club.
"Love it." She replies.
"Have you ever been with a guy?"
"Yeah, but not since I came out. How about you?"
"I snogged my best friend once in a game of Truth or Dare," I answer truthfully.
"Did you like it?" She asked.
"No," I said. "No, it was fucking nasty." A shudder ran through my body at the memory. I'm shuddering as I type this. Ick.
"I bet you liked it a little," Tank Girl says.
"I really, really didn't. I think it's different for guys, and I don't think a lot of women get that, especially gay women. No offence, but it really is different."
"What do you mean?" Asks Tank Girl.
"Well shit. I was talking to a friend of mine, this girl called Susan - she was the one I was playing the same Truth or Dare game with, incidentally. She snogged her friend, this chick called Clare, and she said that for girls, even straight girls, it's not really a big deal. It's more like an extension of your friendship."
"Yeah, yeah I can see that." Pocahontas said.
"How about you," I asked Pocahontas, "have you ever kissed a girl?"

Stay frosty. Thread the needle.

"No, never."
"Wow." I said.
"Really?" Said Tank Girl.
"Well, shit," I say. "We're all on holiday. I'm sorry - 'vacation'. You two should kiss."
Tank Girl looks at Pocahontas like a wolf contemplating a newborn lamb.
"Sure, c'mere." She says, and a chick-on-chick tonguedown commences.

Nice.

So once they come up for air, Tank Girl leans back in her chair. She looks at me. I look at her.
“So how was she?” I ask Pocahontas.
“Good. Very good.” Pocahontas replies.
“Hmm. If I were to kiss you,” I say to Tank Girl, “How would I rate you on a 1-10 scale?” Thanks for that, Wayne. All I want for Christmas is you.
“You can kiss me if you want.” Tank Girl says.
“Cool.” I say. It is cool. We kiss. When we break away, I lean back in my chair. I look at Pocahontas. I raise my eyebrows. She nods, smiling. I lean over. I kiss Pocahontas. We come up for air.
“I've never had a three way kiss,” says Pocahontas.
“Well come on then,” I say.
We all share a three way tonguelashing. I love my life.

Just to clarify, this is me and two hot American chicks I've only just met. We're in broad daylight in the smoking area of a pub on Edinburgh's Royal Mile, one of the busiest streets in the city. It's very picturesque. Do check it out sometime. There's a castle and everything.

After some more playful banter, Tank Girl gets up to use the toilet, and I'm left there with Pocahontas. A quick word on being tactile with the ladies. There's no such things as good touching or bad touching in my eyes. All non-sleazy physical contact is good, as long as the woman accepts it. The way I like to break down the initial barriers with chicks physically is a little like the way you use italics in a sentence for emphasis. This is a bit random, but it's the cheapest, most inoffensive kinesthetic contact this side of a backrub. Use touch to emphasise your words, in exactly the same way that you use italics in a sentence. Hold the touch for the duration of the emphasis – the italics – then take your hand back. Hold their eyes the whole time.

To be honest, I don't even think about it now, it's just part of how I relate to people, and especially women. It makes them like you. It's weird. The thing is, though, it comes in completely under radar – women just think you're a touchy feely kind of guy, and that it's normal for you so to be. This is obviously cool. But their accepting your tactile nature as totally normal is a double edged sword. For many guys, getting touchy with a chick is a sign you're coming on to them, and so it acts like a statement of interest. I can get incredibly tactile with a woman, and she still won't really know if I like her sexually, which can be a bit of a fucker, especially if I assume I'm being so obvious it's silly, and she's still blissfully living in blonde-world.

This was exactly what happened here.

“You're very tactile” said Pocahontas.
“Really?” I ask, innocently.
“Yeah, it's fine, it's just that when a guy touches me as much as you do it usually means that they're hitting on me.”
“Oh.” I say. There is a pause. I try not to giggle.
“I...” She splutters “I mean... are you? Are you hitting on me?”

There are a number of different ways in which you can answer that question in a bad way, and there are a number of different ways you can answer it in a good way. Sure, you could go cocky, and turn it round on her. Sure, you could segue into a feelings/values/emotional connection spiel. Or if you were so wont, you could play hard to get.

Or you could swing for that pitch so hard you damn near smash the bat, and put that ball into fucking orbit. After a careful process of selection lasting all of no seconds, I decided to opt for the latter option.

“I'm sorry, what?” I ask.
“Are you hitting on me?” She asks again. I look at her, incredulous.
“You're asking me if I think you're hot?” Little bit of a reframe. Hope you see why.
“Yes.”
“Are you from Mars? Have I not made that sufficiently clear with the kissing? Ok – look. I'll answer your question. Yes, I think you're HOT. You're so hot, I could fry BACON on your ASS. I would do things to you that decorum prohibits their mention here. I'll HAMMER you into the MATTRESS until you don't know who you ARE. I'll pound you in ways God has yet to invent. I would love to do that. Hell yes. Hell. Yes. Oh, c'mere you little monkey.” I kiss her again. Lots of tongues involved. “Does that answer your question?”
“Yeah.” She's all hot and bothered. “So you'd take me home?”
“YES I would. Yes. Oh yes. Ah, you're so sweet. Look at you.”

I don't close her. I could have taken her away right there, but no. She's locked in now, provided I don't do anything stupid. It's time to play in the high stakes round. A quick word about what I just did. If you get asked by a girl if you fancy her, or if you'd fuck her, or if you'd like to whatever, don't treat it like a weird test. Treat it like an open goal-mouth in the World Cup final. Hammer your shit home. Really go for it. Wax lyrical. Get visual. Hit that ball back fifty times as hard as you got it. It turns women on. A lot.

Tank Girl comes back from the bathroom.

“Hey baby.” I say.
“Hiya.” She smiles.
“We've got a confession.” I say.
“Yeah?” Asks Tank Girl.
“Yeah, we kissed when you were gone. Sorry.”. Tank Girl goes to say something like 'don't worry about it,' but I cut her off. “We don't want you to feel left out so we have to both kiss you.” I lean forward and tongue her. I pull back. I'm sitting in between them. “Now you two kiss.”

They lean together and have a passionate, full on snog. It's fucking sexy. I could smash bricks with the rock hard lump in my pants. I refrain from so doing. Then I get an idea. It's a good one.

As they're in the middle of the kiss, I say, quietly “This may be a little inappropriate, but...” Then I get Tank Girl's hand and place it on Pocahontas's boob. She starts feeling her up in an expert lesbian way. I place Pocahontas's hand on Tank Girl's boob. She starts feeling her up in a bi-curious experimental way. This is turning into a masterpiece. I feel like Da Vinci.

Ok – here's the thing. If you're trying to get something like this off the ground, you need to either be secure in yourself, or be really good at shutting the fuck up when you need to. Girls can sense if you are jealous. If I'd have interrupted that kiss, or tried to join in, I'd have ended up going home either alone or with just one of them. Probably with Pocahontas. You need to let them seduce each other, and the weird thing is that even though they were both girls, my jealousy alarms were blaring like crazy in my head. You could actually feel the sexual chemistry between these two chicks like a physical heat. It was kind of scary – for a second I thought they'd just fuck off and leave me there alone, but I held my nerve. I kept my cool through an enormous effort of will in the face of an incredibly intoxicating combination of jealousy and arousal. Eventually they broke the kiss. For a few seconds, no one spoke.

“That was hot.” I said.
“Yeah.” Said Tank Girl.
“Mmmmffnnm.” Said Pocahontas.

Now, I'm sure that we represented a bit of a spectacle. As I mentioned, this is outside in a busy street. That said, no-one had given us any shit up until this point. All of a sudden, the nastiest, skankiest junkie-smackhead of a sleazy rotting-toothed tramp-in-his-best-suit starts trying to bust in on the conversation. Every time I speak he laughs loudly, just behind me in my ear, as if to get my attention. He sidles up behind Tank Girl. I shift slightly closer and put an arm around her shoulder.

This guy might as well have been sent from heaven. He was in such appalling physical shape that there was no way in a blue moon he could ever, even with a knife, represent a physical threat to me. He was obviously drunk, and probably junked up, and skanky as fuck, but he gave me the perfect opportunity to play Lancelot and demonstrate some fucking manliness.

He asked me for a lighter, and then tried to slur some crap at the girls. In all fairness he was trying to disarm the obstacle first, so we'll have to give him some credit for that. Nonetheless, I figured the direct approach would be best.

“Excuse me mate,” I said, in a friendly tone with a hint of steel behind it, “I'm having a private chat with my friends. Do you mind?”

He muttered something incoherent and slunk away. The chicks glowed at me.

“Let's get out of here. There's a really nice pub not far from here called the Brass Monkey. It's got a Cinema and cushions and hopefully a lot less weirdos than here.” I say. We get up and leave.

“I'm really cold.” Pocahontas says. I put an arm around her shoulder as we walk toward the Brass Monkey. “Do you mind if I swing by our hostel and pick up a sweater?”
“No, that's fine,” says Tank Girl with a nonchalant air that I took as a mark of a genuine player. I just shrugged. Nonchalance city.

I flag down a taxi, and we jump in. Tank Girl's in the middle. She's hot. I've got my hand on her leg. She doesn't move it.

We get out of the taxi, and split the fare. We're walking down to where their room is, and I'm experiencing this strange feeling of serenity, the kind of serenity I think you can only ever truly experience if you're a tightrope walker, or a bomb-disposal expert. The feeling that everything is fine, everything is going well, you're about to do something really awesome, but the slightest jar could fuck things up and cost you the use of your legs.

Stay frosty. Thread the needle.

As we enter the hostel, we bump into a group of about 15 people, all of these girl's friends from the hostel. I'm talking Spanish guys. Spanish guys are like Europe's most shameless and horny men, and they instantly burst into a babble of Hispanic questions, hooks and general shit to get the girls talking.

“You have to come out, we'll be at the Three Sisters later,” says one random guy.
“Excellent,” I reply, warmly but with that same hint of steel I'd noticed before with the tramp. “I know it. We'll see you there in a few minutes.”
“Good, good. See you there, man.”
“Cool.” I say, and we walk inside.

We get into the lift. This whole journey had been a big state break, especially all the fucking foreigners outside. That little bubble of comfort we'd been in at the bar and in the taxi had evaporated, but there was still a palpable air of sexual tension. I'm not worried. The game's still afoot.

We get into Tank Girl's room. Pocahontas goes to hers to get her jumper. Tank Girl starts playing shit on her Ipod. I consider how to make a move, how to escalate. I have to lead this. These girls are going to let this all slide by if I don't act. A cheesy line won't do it. I need to get this chick thinking sexually and fast. She walks over to the sink in her room to put some product in her hair. I grab her, and push her up against the door. I kiss her hard. She loves it. She smiles.

“I'll get Pocahontas.” I say.
“Cool.” She replies. It is cool.

Rinse and repeat, motherfucker. I go to Pocahontas's room, and she gets a forced tonguedown as well. I put in some extra work on this one. She's the weakest link in the chain, and she needs to be tempered in the fire of my lust for this to work.

“Come on,” I say, leading her by the hand, “let's go see Tank Girl.”
“Uh-huh. Cool.” She replies. It is cool.

They get in to the room. We're all together, and all alone. The girls start making small talk.

Then Tank Girl says...

“Did he kiss you too?”

Then Pocahontas says

“Yes, the dirty bastard.”

Then I say

“Yeah, and I'm not sorry. Let's have another three way kiss.”

Then I guide them together. Then Tank Girl kisses Pocahontas with a kind of masculine passion and intensity that I've never seen a woman display before. It's really intense. Pocahontas is pushed back with the force of it, and I catch her, kissing the side of her neck from behind. My hands wander all over her body, criss crossing with Tank Girl's.

Then I go to undo Pocahontas's bra, only to find it already undone.

Fair fucking play. Tank Girl's good.

I'm not one to kiss and tell, so I won't go too much into the specifics of what happened, except to say two things.

First off, the vibe of the threesome was in many ways like the vibe of the pickup. This was not me fucking two girls who wanted to be my sexual playthings. This was me and Tank Girl double teaming Pocahontas. I've never had a threesome with two guys – this is the only time I've done it with two girls (thus far), but the vibe was as if there was another man present. It was just that the other guy in the encounter looked exactly like Lori Petty from the film Tank Girl. This is important, perhaps the most important thing I learned from the whole encounter. If you've got two submissive girls and you want to fuck them both at once, their jealousy of each other is a minefield. If you're teaming up with a hot butch lesbian to pick up a chick, it's like a) you have a wing throughout the whole pickup, b) it's not all about you, and c) you get to see two girls naked at the same time. I winged Tank Girl, and she winged me. I wasn't possessive about her and Pocahontas, I let her have her fun. I made her feel hot. I laughed at her jokes. I engineered their first kiss. It wasn't easy though - at times, like when they touched each other's tits on the steps, and at other points a thousand times more X-rated, I had to fight down this instinctual feeling of jealousy that, mixed with arousal, threatened to paralyze me. It was like being a rabbit in headlights. It was really that intense.

So yeah, the first thing to say is this – help the dominant one pick up the submissive one and keep yourself in the loop, in control and leading the situation. Wing the dominant chick. She'll wing you.

And the second thing?

They could both deep throat.

Yeah you heard me, motherfucker. Both of them.

Heh heh heh.

Dual Induction Massage my hairy white ass.

Peace out.

(Credit - Ciaran (RSD Staff))